Man of mystery. Man of intrigue.Man of mystery. Man of intrigue.There are few greater sources of entertainment in this city than the 'Voices' line (816-234-4493) of The Star's sports department. If I could give you all the access code to listen to those messages ... it's a cross-section of every kind of sports fan in the area. Crotchety old men railing against pitch counts. Kindly old women that think the players need to shave. People who launch into long monologues as if they were calling a talk radio station. Lots of wetheads. There are a lot of ridiculous comments, but a lot of insightful ones, as well. More than anything, it's a good way to get a sense of what the fans are passionate about. Somtimes it's misguided, sometimes it's not, but the passion is always there. That in itself I find to be a nice boost as I go about my daily work. There are people out there that care about the things I am writing about and analyzing. Sometimes, I even get an idea or two from the voices line.

Last night, a voices caller left a message demanding that The Star do a win-loss breakdown of the Royals' record with the various incarnations of Trey Hillman's facial hair. You know what? This is a service industry. Ask, and you shall receive. I went into The Star's photo library and logged the state of Hillman's beard since the day he was hired in Kansas City ... and before. Let it be added to the permanent record that when Trey Hillman was winning championships in Japan and getting thrown into the air by his players, he was as clean-shaven as a baby.

GOATEED TREY

Goateed TreyGoateed TreyWhat kind of a beatnik is this? Do we really want one of those poetry-reading, free-thinking radicals running our baseball team? Who needs his giant saucers of espresso and his finger-snapping on open-mike night? Go, Trey, go.

The first evidence of Goateed Trey surfaced during spring training of last year. He kept the chin whiskers for several weeks, through opening day, when he was spotted man-hugging Tigers skipper Jim Leyland, who has long had facial hair issues of his own. Perhaps it was Leyland that inspired Trey to adopt the infamous look of this season. More on that later.

Trey stuck with the Sigmund freud look for a few weeks, as the Royals got off to an 18-21 start. Then on May 15 -- George Brett's birthday -- Hillman was photographed clean-shaven, looking as much like an evangelist as a baseball manager. Photos for the remainder of the '08 season showed Trey to be loyal to the razor as late as August 19. Then there is a dry spell, no photos for about six weeks. Then suddenly, the day after the season, Trey conducts his season-concluding press conference with ...

PORNSTACHE TREY

Yes, it was the day after the season, Oct. 1, 2008, when The Star recorded the first official record of Trey Hillman sporting the Mark Spitz special. Pornstache TreyPornstache TreySeriously, do we want our fine young ballplayers to be guided by a guy that listens to disco and walks around in leisure suits?

By spring training of this season, the 'stache was gone and the goatee was back. On June 18, Hillman was spotted sneaking up on Tony LaRussa and playfully grabbing him from behind. I don't know what happened during that encounter, but within a week, the goatee had been shaved down to the pornstache.

What a disaster. The Royals' season went into a complete tailspin and fans at The K began hiding their children every time Trey emerged from the dugout. Finally, after a 6-15 stretch, Hillman succumbed to the scissors and razor. He became ...

CLEAN TREY

Clean TreyClean TreyNow that is a fine-looking, upstanding young man. We saw the youthful face of clean-shaven Trey for the majority of the 2008 season, when the Royals finished strong. And since he shaved, the ballclub has rebounded to go 3-2. When you harken back to his days in Japan, I think the data speaks for itself. The Royals cannot win when Trey neglects his razor. I know in my house, my erratic shaving patterns are pretty much dictated by when and how often I'm going to be seeing my wife. So perhaps all Royals' fans that have been directing their ire at Trey should have a word with Mrs. Hillman.

Here is my best estimate of a win-loss breakdown, according to the dates in my Trey photo log:

Clean Trey: 65-70 (.481)
Goateed Trey: 44-61 (.419)
Pornstache Trey: 6-15 (.286)

Total:  115-146 (.441)